I am not dead.
I don’t have to take dialysis.
I am not on oxygen.
I got married to my soulmate, the kindest, sweetest person I’ve ever known.
She loves me.
I live in a nice house in a nice neighbourhood.
I don’t live in fear of violence.
I have a job.
I live in a city that has public transportation that allows me to get back and forth to and from work.
I have music.
I have coffee.
I have cannabis.
I have children who love me, and of whom I am proud.
I have a computer, which gives me access to more information and entertainment than kings and queens of previous generations.
I live in a country with healthcare for all.
I am educated, literate and was encouraged at a young age to read.
I am self-aware, and can overcome my depression with reason and changing my cognition.
I am capable of empathy, and am so privileged that I can take a moment to reflect on all the ways that my life could be more difficult.
I have been exposed to all sorts of different people from different walks of life, which means my philosophies and opinions continue to evolve.
The doctor says they can fix my trachea and that, after surgery, I will be able to breathe normally again.
Through Sarah, I have made many new friends — sometimes I forget that; sometimes I fear that nobody really likes me.
Sarah is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner (minus the cancer bit, of course).
I live (or have lived) in the same world as Brian Eno, Robert Fripp, Annie Clark, Quentin Tarantino, David Bowie, Theodore Geisel, Stephen King, Miles Davis, Annie Lennox, Florence Welch, Ben Harper, Patton Oswalt, John Lennon, The Wachowski sisters, John Coltrane, Christopher Moore, Neil Gaiman, Mike Mignola, Lou Reed, Alan Moore and many many more great artists, musicians, writers who have enriched my life with their work.
I have made friends through my writing — people who have stuck around even though I’m not writing anything particularly interesting at the moment.
I am not homeless. I am not starving. I can overcome my physical and mental difficulties.
I can learn from my mistakes.
I have many luxuries that I sometimes take for granted.
I have a chosen sister who I love and who loves me. Through her I have two little nephews that don’t ALWAYS drive me bonkers.
I really am lucky, when I stop and remember how much worse things could be — how VERY close I was to death, and how my recovery is pretty much miraculous.
I could write another post about all the things in my life that are burdening me, but the fact is, all those things can be flipped on their head and driven out of the darkness with just a little bit of light.
Maybe it’s just because it’s 2020, but I am seeing things a little more clearly now.