I realize that I am not alone in feeling like collateral damage of the 21st century, but I am honestly starting to feel run over by the younger generation. I feel useless and out of date, and not just from the current fads, but from the entire human race. I find myself addicted to checking my phone, scrolling my Twitter feed, hoping for some chance to engage, and more often than not, regretting when I do.
I don’t understand the point of a lot of things.
I don’t feel like I fit, and at my age, that’s something I would have hoped to have outgrown. You’d think I would have figured it out by now, but I have no idea, honestly, what to do with this thing called LIFE.
I just saw the doctor, and apparently the other collateral damage in my life is my vocal cords, which are damaged/constricted. The doctor says he won’t know until he sees the results of my upcoming CT scan, but he suspects that it’s my vocal cords which are making my breathing difficult.
He was pretty vague. To be honest, he was — what is le mot juste? — a smarmy prick. He spent about 30 seconds examining my throat via camera, told me it might get better, and if he saw nothing on the CT scan of my trachea, then he’d refer me to another specialist. I feel like today’s visit was such a waste of time. He told me that he was the one who did the tracheotomy and I felt like he was implying that there could be nothing wrong with my trachea — after all, he had done the procedure.
Anyway, now I’m projecting. The point of this journal entry (because after all, that’s what they are. It’s LiveJournal all over again.) was to talk about the loneliness of the middle distance runner.